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Thursday, January 18, 2007

Sexerati Interviews: Miriam Datskovsky

filed under: Erotic Elite, Sexerati Interviews by Lux Nightmare

In New York City, there is a group of women – sex writers, sex educators, and those otherwise involved in encouraging a discourse around sexuality – who meet on a semi-regular basis to talk, eat, and hang out. At the very first gathering of these women, I ended up sitting next to a girl I’d never met before. We talked, and I learned that she was Miriam Datskovsky, the first ever sex columnist for the Columbia Spectator (the Columbia University student newspaper) – a position that resulted in a good deal of campus controversy, fame (and infamy), and many good columns on sex, dating, and life at college. It is my pleasure to introduce this brilliant young woman as the first ever subject of Sexerati Interviews, our newest weekly feature.

When did you start working at the Spectator?

I started working at Spectator as the sex columnist in September 2004, but I didn’t really get involved in the organization until I became an associate opinion editor in January 2005.

How did you decide to become a sex columnist? Was it something you’d always wanted to do, or were you simply inspired when the Spectator decided to hire one?

“Simply inspired” is a good way to think about it. I saw the ad in the Spectator, and I really missed writing, so I thought to myself “What the hell?” If I’d only known… just kidding (sort of).

What kind of reaction did you get from your friends when you took on the job? From family? From the Columbia community?

My friends have always been fantastic about my column. Some of them were a little put off, or maybe scared, when I started writing it, but they got over that as soon as it printed. They loved it whenever I mentioned them, or someone they knew, in the column—they almost treated it like a guessing game, you know, which guy or girl is she talking about in that sentence? My family has also been very supportive. My mom likes to tell people she is proud of me—in spite of the subject matter. Her favorite column is “Butters Knows Best,” she gets all her friends to read it. My uncle, whom I’m very close to, is also a regular reader and we discuss the column and its implications constantly (or at least we did).

As for the Columbia community, I’ve had mixed reactions. For a while it seemed like everyone liked it—that is, until I wrote the blowjob column. That was my first hatemail experience. Then once the campus magazine The Blue and White launched their blog, it became apparent that there really are a lot of Columbians out there who dislike or are uncomfortable with my column (check out this link for some serious hate). My feeling is that you have to be damn good at what you do to get hated on that badly. All things considered, criticism, in any form, is a healthy thing. It forces you to stand up for what you believe in.

Did anything change about how you were treated at the Spectator after you began writing the sex column?

No. In many ways, the Spectator office is my second home. No one at Spectator ever gave me crap about what I did, and I’m really grateful for all the wonderful people there who supported me when people outside the office were putting me through hell.

While serving as the Spectator’s sex columnist, you also served as the opinion editor. What was the biggest difference between the two positions? Did you have difficulty balancing the two?

There is a huge difference between being a writer and an editor. As a writer, I was only responsible for the words I myself penned. But as an editor, I was responsible for every inch of content in the editorial and opinion sections. It’s a huge responsibility, and it’s far too easy to lose sight of the impact any one article may have on its readers. Also, the skills required to be a good writer and to be a good manager are definitely not one and the same—it took me a while to figure out what it takes to be a good manager.

I definitely had difficulty balancing the two. I found it tough to give my column as much time as I wanted to because I was so wrapped up in running the section. Moreover, it was incredibly difficult balancing my public (well, as public as Columbia gets) image as the sex columnist and my public image as the editorial page editor. I strongly believe that, had I been male, no one would have cared a rat’s ass about the fact that I was both the sex columnist and the editorial page editor. It seems to me that people tend to assume that any young woman who chooses to promote sexual discussion can only do as much; in other words, that she wouldn’t have the desire or skills to do anything else remotely intelligent. When I took the editorial page editor job, I suspected that it would somehow conflict with my role as the sex columnist, but I had no idea that this was how it would pan out. It never occurred to me that my credibility as an editor would be challenged because of the way I promoted sexual discussion.

What was your favorite column?

God, this is a tough call. After much thought and consideration, I would have to say it’s my “Spitting, Swallowing, and Other Secrets” column. That column terrified me. In many ways, it still does. It’s my bar—any time I write something, I tell myself that it has to be as brave and honest and well-written as the blowjob column, or else it’s no good. I haven’t been able to match it yet.

How do you feel about the rush of sex columnists all across college campuses? Is it positive, negative, or neither? Is there quality work coming out of these columns, or is it just more sensationalism?

I have very mixed feelings about the college sex column. In many ways, I’ve tried to disassociate myself with it—so many of the columnists are wannabe-Carrie-Bradshaws and sensationalists, which is a shame. That’s by no means to say there aren’t good college sex columnists, there definitely are (for example, The Daily Cal has always had good columnists), but for the most part I’ve been disappointed. One place where I have seen quality work is in the rising college sex bloggers. Elle of Sexandtheivy.com is phenomenal.

What are your future plans? Are you still interested in writing about sex, or are you pursuing other fields?

Journalism, not starving to death, making the rent, hopefully… I’m definitely still interested in writing about sex, but I’d love to continue writing about other things too. I’m especially interested in writing about higher education, feminism, and New York City culture(s).

What one thing do you consider to be essential to a healthy sex life?

I think you have to know your boundaries—which is easier said than done, because your boundaries are always subject to change. But since you can’t always pre-determine them, I think it’s really important to be able to tell when exactly you’re getting uncomfortable. I’m all for trying new things in bed, but in order to do that you need to be able to tell yourself what is OK for you and what is not OK, on any given day. If that makes any sense at all.

To learn more about Miriam Datskovsky, or read some of her archived columns, visit her online at www.miriamdatskovsky.com.

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