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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Sexerati Interviews: Danielle E. Sucher

filed under: Erotic Elite, Sexerati Interviews by Lux Nightmare

Danielle E. Sucher is a brilliant lawyer, fabulous food blogger, and a good friend. She also happens to be one half of a heterosexual domestic partnership. Given that domestic partnerships are often viewed as a back door into same-sex marriages — a way of obtaining the benefits of marriage for a relationship shut out of the institution — I found it interesting that a couple that could get married opted for a domestic partnership instead. We sat down recently to discuss love, the law, and (of course) smart sex.

How long were you with your partner before you got a domestic partnership?
My partner and I dated for about a year and a half and lived together for about five months before we registered as domestic partners.

What was the attraction of a domestic partnership? Why not just move in together, with no legal status to your relationship, or get married instead?
I am partnered with one of the most idealistic, caring, and stubborn men I have ever met. Dave Turner, formerly of the Free Software Foundation, currently a programmer for the Open Planning Project, absolutely refuses to marry me in any jurisdiction that doesn’t also allow same-sex marriage. Much as it may frustrate my mother, I have come to share his views on the matter. It would be unethical for us to take advantage of the right to marry when it is denied to so many other people.

My partner and I both identify as bisexual and queer, and the fact that we ended up in an opposite-sex relationship with each other does not change our orientation or sense of involvement in the community. We have volunteered and catered events for the Fresh Fruit Festival, and I provide pro bono legal services through LeGaL: the LGBT Law Association of Greater New York. As members of the LGBT community, we consider it particularly important to stand by those who may not be able to pass as heterosexual as easily we currently can.

Our primary motivation for registering as domestic partners, rather than just living together without giving our relationship any legal status, was based on the health insurance benefits. At the time, I was employed as a Court Attorney for the Criminal Court of the City of New York, and Dave was in the process of transitioning between jobs. We wanted to register so that I could share my health insurance with him if necessary. Now, as I prepare to open my own solo law practice, our partnership will permit him to share his health insurance with me.

Our other motivation was emotional. We have a serious and committed relationship, and we need no legal status to create that for us. The law has no bearing on our commitment to each other. That said, there is strength in symbols, and emotional value in societal recognition of our relationship. Domestic partnership, like marriage, is not only about us. It is about our relationship with society. I find value in declaring to society that this relationship has attained such significance that society must either recognize it as a part of me, or be held accountable.

How difficult was it to get a domestic partnership? Were there any barriers you had to overcome?
NYC Administrative Code § 3-241 permits two people to register as domestic partners in New York City so long as:

1. Either both persons are NYC residents or at least one person is employed by the City of New York on the date of registration.
2. Both persons are eighteen years of age or older.
3. Neither of the persons is married.
4. Neither of the persons is a party to another domestic partnership, or has been a party to another domestic partnership within the six months immediately prior to registration.
5. The persons are not related to each other by blood in a manner that would bar their marriage in the state of New York.
6. The persons have a close and committed personal relationship, live together and have been living together on a continuous basis.

It was actually very easy to register as domestic partners. My partner and I had to go together to the Municipal Building at 210 Joralemon Street in Brooklyn Heights. The Marriage License Bureau of the City Clerk’s office up on the 2nd floor takes care of domestic partner registration. We had to fill out an affidavit where we affirmed that we met the requirements for domestic partnership, which we then signed before a notary public. That affidavit, along with a $36 money order and a showing of our photo ID, was all we needed to register. In exchange, the City gave us a Certificate of Domestic Partnership to take home and frame.

Many people view domestics partnerships as a marriage equivalent: specifically, domestic partnerships are what you get when you can’t get married (usually because you’re in a same-sex relationship). What’s your take on this?
I do not consider domestic partnership to be a marriage equivalent. It simply does not grant you the full range of legal rights that can be obtained through marriage.

Do you plan on getting married at some point? What do you see as arguments for/against marriage?
I do hope to get married at some point. My partner and I have discussed this, and we agree that it sure would be nice, someday. There a great many legal benefits to marriage in which we would like to partake. We also value the societal recognition of the relationship that marriage conveys. Not to mention how much it would make my mother kvell.

But for now, we are happy with what we have. I am unwilling to travel out of the country to find a jurisdiction where we could get married - why have a wedding that most of my guests would be unable to attend? When New York passes legislation permitting same sex marriage, my partner and I will have this conversation in earnest. And I truly believe that it is not a matter of whether that will happen, but when.

What are the main benefits to having a domestic partnership? What are the difficulties of having a domestic partnership?
Domestic partnership gives you some, but certainly not all, of the benefits of marriage. You gain the right to visitation as a family member in the city correctional and juvenile detention facilities, city hospitals, and city housing. It can affect your right to succeed to the tenancy of an apartment, under certain circumstances. And it allows you to share health benefits provided by the city if one of the partners is a city employee. Some hospitals and companies that are not run by the city also allow domestic partners to share these benefits, but they are not required to by law, and many don’t.

Domestic partnership does not convey any of the other myriad benefits you gain from the state and federal governments through marriage - and there are more benefits to marriage than most people realize. Domestic partnership does not affect your tax status, nor are you deemed to be spouses for the purpose of distributing one partner’s estate after death. Domestic partners cannot seek relief from the Family Court here in New York, such as orders of protection in case of a domestic violence situation. The list goes on and on.

Domestic partnership can be terminated unilaterally, which is both a blessing and a curse. Personally, I would prefer that the government not get involved when I choose to end my personal relationship. However, in a hypothetical case where one partner cared for the children and household while the other partner worked outside the home for several decades, there would be no equitable distribution of marital property or spousal maintenance while the partner who had been out of the work force worked towards re-entering it upon termination of the relationship.

Do you feel it’s important to give your relationship legal standing? What’s the big deal behind having public recognition of a private relationship?
A relationship that reaches the point where you would consider calling it a partnership or marriage is no longer a private relationship, whether society and the law recognize it or not. We have private relationships in our lives that exist entirely separate from our time with our jobs, our families, and our friends. The sort of relationship we are discussing here impacts all other areas of our lives. Serious, long-term, committed relationships are public by their very nature. When society fails to recognize that, it doesn’t make the relationship any less public. It just creates a farce where the relationship exists, but the world is unwilling to look it straight in the eyes.

The issue of whether such relationships should be given legal standing is more complicated. So long as some relationships are given legal standing, while it is denied to others, there exists an unacceptable situation where some people are treated as second-class citizens. Either all relationships should be eligible for that legal standing, or none should.

If you could devise your own legal structure for recognizing romantic relationships, what would it look like?
I would like to abolish all legal recognition for romantic relationships, and implement a form of domestic partnership with no limitation on sex, gender, age, cosanguinity, or number of persons involved. Ideally, I would allow platonic friends, relatives, or
social groups the right to share benefits currently restricted to opposite-sex romantic partners. I do not believe that romantic relationships are the only structure in which people may choose to share their lives.

I would prefer to leave romantic relationships to the domain of social and religious organizations, each to define and recognize such relationships differently as they see fit.

Anything else you want our readers to know (either about domestic partnerships or your own exciting plans in the world)?
As I mentioned briefly above, I am opening a solo law practice here in New York City. As a general practioner, I am well equipped to solve problems in almost any area of law. My practice areas include (but are not limited to) estate planning, adoption, family, and matrimonial law, particularly for same-sex couples, representation of artists,
performers, and restaurant industry professionals, civil rights, discrimination, employment law, criminal defense, mental disability law, and special education. You can learn more about my legal practice at sucherlaw.com or sign up here to hear announcements from the firm.

Lastly: what’s the most important part of a good, healthy sex life?
Trust. With a partner you can truly trust and with whom you can communicate well, all else follows.

Learn more about Danielle at sucherlaw.com.

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