Monday, March 26, 2007

I Heart Sex; Am I The Only One?


filed under: Sexerati Hearts by Melissa Gira | 7 Comments

kiss, kiss

There’s no such thing as talking too much about sex in a sex-mad world. Sex educators, sex writers, and the sex media are so often in the business of talking and thinking sex, however, that we often forget to say along with that how much we heart sex itself — sex all for its own sake. So let’s get on with it: I love sex, and I know that I can’t be the only one. I love sex, because, rather than all the propaganda about sex bringing disease and despair, science is stepping in to back up what us gleeful sluts have known all along: sex isn’t just good, but good for you. Having a healthy sex life actually makes you more healthy. Sex reduces stress and depression, relieves pain, improves cardio health, and may even slow aging.

Which means, every minute that we spend fearing we aren’t good enough, might get rejected, don’t know how to ask for what we want, we’re literally chipping away at our mental and physical well-being. When we shame others around us for indulging in the sex we ourselves wish we knew how to have, we’re missing out on the chance that sex itself affords us to get over ourselves. That’s what I’m really talking about when I talk about loving sex: that though there’s plenty of guilt, shame, and paralyzing fear going around out there about sex, that it’s through sex that we can start to feel better about ourselves and let go.

Truth is, no one — not even a ’sexpert’ — is born knowing how to get the sex that they want. Getting worked up over not being one of the sexerati is actually a surefire way to continue the kind of complex that will keep you from developing your sex smarts. Don’t just sit around reading blogs and watching internet tv; there’s nothing here that’s going to make you think, feel, or act any different about sex unless you also get out there and practice fucking. Why in every other aspect of our lives do we value the accumulation of experience, but decry sexual experience as evidence of being no more than some kind of sex object, or shameless exhibitionist?

Your assignment, then, if you choose to accept it (and I hope you do, and blog/Flickr/twitter the heck out of it), is to ask someone that you want to kiss for a kiss. Be honest, straightforward, direct. Be seductive, shy, cute. Be whatever comes up naturally. The important thing to do is get over that fear of asking. The world will not end, and hey, you might even have a good time. If we all do it, we might all have a better time. Kiss someone for the sake of it, for the sake of sex, for the sake of your own well-being. Then tell us how it went, okay? We’re all in this sex smart thing together.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Best of SMS Livedating: The Twitter Vs. Text Edition


filed under: SMS Livedating by Melissa Gira | Leave a Comment

In a cab, barreling through Manhattan in the sleet and hail, Lux and I were competing for tweets. Rather, competing for who could most quickly get each other’s wit down into 140 or characters or less. (She totally ran away with my ‘losing queer girl cred‘ train of thought, while I nicked her best accusations that I was ‘cheating on her with internet dick.’) Once we were in person, our live conversation made flippy floppy and switched up with Twitter, making our talking-to the real back channel, even as it was rapidly translated into something consumable to many more.

Does this happen all the time? Sure. Do we know that lots of great sex gossip never made it up? Absolutely. Here, then, is the best of what remains behind as dirty breadcrumbs on my phone’s memory — out of context, but hopefully, maybe, still salacious yet demonstrative of how always-on sex is becoming on a mobile, even when it’s post-dated:

text: oh i can feel the twitterpation from here. Literally. You are all such tweet sluts. plsnodontstop.
twitter: @u_m, seriously, [redacted]. now i’ve got sex to [redacted] to keep me warm on the next leg of my trip.
text: Oh my, my fingernails still bear the scent of your [redacted].
twitter: waiting for the A train in the barest of snowfall.
text: [redacted] … [redacted] and my toes curled as the music crashed. wet.
twitter: Back in Lux’s bed working with damp toes. New toys from Fifth Ave, just what a girl needs: an ipod nano, a bluetooth keyboard for my phone
text: thx for the warning. readying the lipgloss for battle. see you in 10.
twitter: new lipgloss: ’scandal.’ speaking of: what would be on your ’scandalous’ secret sex tape?
text: make him take dirty pix (vids?)
twitter: lux deems this evening CLASS2ASS

Happy weekend, and remember: it’s going to be a come-on sooner or later to ask for a ‘thumbrub’ after too much text flirting, so why not ring in the future right now?

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Sexerati Exclusive: ‘In Search of the Wild Kingdom’ Teaser Video Clip


filed under: Sexerati Hearts, Erotic Elite, Smart. Safe. Sex. by Melissa Gira | 1 Comment

Warning, the following may just be too much hotness, too much certainly to contain in just this one little bit of Firefox opened up on the sunniest, sweetest street in the Lower Haight today (of course I blog sex in public), too much hotness for San Francisco, too much hotness for us not to share this gasp, smack, wet-inducing clip that director Shine Houston has delivered to us exclusively from the latest Pink&White Productions feature, In Search of the Wild Kingdom.

pinkwhite-wildkingdomWild Kingdom, in a perfect pomo porno twist, documents the (fictional) documentary of a het girl filmmaker in search of ‘the real lesbians of San Francisco,’ and, of course, the real sex she finds along the way.

So, who videoloves you, baby? Watch the clip now.

Want more, and better yet, more in the company of other fans (and makers) of delectably dirty smut, be sure to hit the Roxie Theatre in San Francisco on March 29th for the world premiere.

Read more

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Curbing Free Speech Online Is The Real ‘Harm to Minors’


filed under: We Are The Sex Media by Melissa Gira | Leave a Comment

Ding dong, the Child Online Protection Act is dead, and in no small part thanks to smart sex artists, writers, and bloggers. Heather Corinna, of the landmark young adult sexuality education website Scarleteen, was a plaintiff in the case, along with Salon and Nerve, making this not quite the “porn law” that it is being spun to be. Heather has also richly blogged her process challenging COPA, as to how a law intended to ‘protect’ children and young adults would ultimately harm them.

So it is no small victory for smart sex when, in handing down his decision, U.S. District Judge Lowell Reed, veritably channeling the outcry of years of online sex media makers, offers that…

Perhaps we do the minors of this country harm if First Amendment protections, which they will with age inherit fully, are chipped away in the name of their protection.

That’s right — someone, somewhere in the halls of government in America admits that maybe, ignorance, fear, and control are more dangerous than making space for a culture to share a conversation on sex. Sex, and not just porn. Sex, and not just disease. Sex, and not just marriage. Sex, no matter how old you are, hot you are, or how moral you are, or your lawmakers wish you to be.

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