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Monday, April 9, 2007

HOW TO (Jet Sex Edition): Share a Lover

filed under: HOW TO:, Jet Sex by Melissa Gira

Once you begin to move in the jet sex world with slutty confidence, more fitting partners may cross your path than you have time to take as lovers, or, oh so more realistically, the lovers you have time to enjoy may not be so enjoyable after a time. Needless to say, sexual experience means that you end up with, for lack of kinder words, a reserve.

What better to do with your excess, then, but to redistribute accordingly to friends, to offer up these Ms. and Mr.-Right-(for-Someone Else)’s to one’s former and current lovers, even? No, we’re not talking about wholesale polyamory — more, a system of sexual microcredit. True, it’s unproven in economics, but in love? Usually what fails in finance, actually, fails spectacularly in love. Be that as it may, we present all the same, a guide for modern lovers who wish to share the love, literally.

Know thyself or else go fuck thyself. Being a lover shared is like being in a virtual (shiver) threesome, with the person who has lent you or sent you, and the person you are being offered to. It’s not that uncommon, really, what with rapidly collapsing sociosexual circles. What is rare is honing the self-knowledge needed in order to hack being a conduit between not just two, but three or more emotional realities at once. Not interested in getting so stretched and self-reflective just to screw? Stick with masturbation.

Speed kills. In some respects, because you know the romancing habits of the lover you’ve inherited from another, courtship is already a done-deal. This could mean that sex is a foregone conclusion, that seduction can be enjoyed for its own sake. On the flipside, the absence of needing to romance one another a bit can lead to an accelerated affair. Fuck with one eye open: if you blink, you risk missing the whole thing before you’ve had a chance to really enjoy the ride.

Loose lips sink ships. Respecting the flow of sexual history between lovers, exes, and currents is best maneuvered like a spy film plot: operate on a need-to-know basis for the tightest security, but mind that we’re all the most vulnerable to spilling our secrets once we’ve been gotten horizontal.

Identify your nearest exit before takeoff. A keen exit strategy needn’t dampen the heat; it could also make the route through an affair all the more clear. Is it smutty times you’re after, or a lap to lean into for a spell? All of the above? You’ve found a great fucktoy-slash-friend. All of the above, but not for you? You’ve now found a lover to pass along yourself. Raise your seatback to the upright position before landing, and leave the emergency instructions for the next guest.

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