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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The 10 Reasons Why Sex Nerds Make Better Lovers

filed under: Erotic Elite by Melissa Gira

Generally speaking, we still heart Wired after thirteen and some-odd years, but what’s tired: yet another missive on the sexiness of geeks that neglects to mention sex’s own geeks: sexologists, sex educators, cultural historians of sex, sexual social scientists, and nerdy sexbloggers (just saying). True, geeks need to raise their sex flag high and reclaim their true slutty powers as part and parcel of the other weird hacker behavior they’ve got going on around things sex, but I mean, if the Times this week can sing love songs and write porny prose on the glory that is the study of sex, we ought to at least do one better as sex nerds and offer up our own (hopefully soon-to-be-tired) list:

Sex nerds are too busy reading Baudrillard to sign up for Second Life. Does knowing how to get your avatar laid really bear so much on having great physical sex? The Late Great Jean would know — but also, being able to chat post-coitally about post-structural analyses of seduction and signification? More, please.

Sex nerds do it self-referentially. The crop of pornos out now featuring sex researchers (The Bi Apple, In Search of the Wild Kingdom) reveal the double-hotness in how to apply the finest in field study to the finest of fucking; that is, sex nerds not only know to do it, they know why they want to do it that way, and, based on a random sampling, how you might want it, too.

Sex nerds need study breaks. Never have the words ‘faculty lounge’ connoted such tense heat…

Sex nerds know how to ask really, really good questions about your sexual history, and when to dispense with the professional veneer and turn ‘Take Dr. Kinsey’s survey’ into a dirty little roleplay.

Sex nerds know the difference between qualitative and quantitative measures. That is, if you’ve been holding out on tabulating your personal sexual metrics (how many, how much, how often), a sex nerd lover can assist you in taking other data into account (how good, how cute, how skilled) and with way less judgment than your (doctor/ex/weird uncle/editor).

Sex nerds value inspiration and innovation in an increasingly sex mad world, whether that’s seeking a quickie bit of calm from the storm of depressing sex news, or getting off as a balm for an abrasively sex-negative graduate committee member, or as a much-needed reminder as to why they got into this whole sex thing to begin with. Just think: your orgasm may be the one to launch a whole new field of erotic studies. No pressure.

Sex nerds take sex seriously but not so seriously that they can’t still get spectacularly messy with sex (though this ’sexologist bed death’ we’ve heard of? Tragic.)

Sex nerds are keen sex educators and can keep things hard and wet even as they are midway into a very practical condom demonstration. (Just don’t get them started on social constructivsm vs. biological determinism, unless you know some Tantric mojo to keep things going for hours. Then again, don’t mention Tantra unless you’re prepared for a lecture on cultural misappropriation and the exotification of sexuality as means by which to further commodify erotic dissatisfaction. Unless…)

Being lovers with a sex nerd is one surefire way to become a sex nerd yourself. This is, after all, how we propagate the species — of more sex smart lovers to choose from.

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