Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Sexerati Interviews: Yuliya


filed under: Erotic Elite, Sexerati Interviews by Lux Nightmare | Leave a Comment

I met Yuliya years and years ago, when I was in my first year at Columbia.  She was a junior, and the president of Conversio Virium, the campus BDSM club.  I thought she was probably the coolest person I’d ever met.  Years down the line, she’s got a fancy degree in health education, works at Planned Parenthood, and runs the sexual health advice blog Ask Yuliya.  I sat down with her recently to talk sex ed, BDSM, and (of course) good sex.

1310788626_m.jpgComplete the following sentence: Yuliya is…
hoping to teach you something you didn’t know.

How did you become interested in sex education? What inspired you to pursue that field?
I’m not quite sure when my interest became “formal” so to speak, or formal enough to pursue a degree, but I do know that I’ve always been interested in sex and sexuality. I’ve always thought that it was strange that schools didn’t start sex ed earlier and didn’t go into it deeper. My health class was in 10th grade and the only things covered where body parts, STI’s and pregnancy. I knew there was more to discuss, so I read all I could. People always thought I was more experienced than I was because I knew answers to questions they had and took their concerns with an open mind. Eventually, I just noticed that people came to me with questions and I decided that I had a knack for sex education.

What was the sex ed you got as a child like? Was it mostly from your parents? From school?
My parents, especially my Mom, have always been open about sex. I asked some questions about babies around the age of 6 and I remember my mother explaining everything very calmly and without embarassment. Eventually, I found a copy of the Kama Sutra that my parents had (and a couple of other sex manuals) and I would sneak those books away and read them behind some more innocuous book. When we moved to the U.S., I was in 7th grade, so I think I missed any puberty-type education that schools may have provided. The only other formal class I had was in 10th grade.

What, in your opinion, is the most important thing to teach people about sex?
I want to teach people that sex should be fun for all involved - this is a broad statement, but eventually does include everything from knowing your body/masturbation, to being comfortable with your sexuality, to being safe in order not to worry, to issues of explicit consent, etc.

What was your motivation for starting Ask Yuliya?
I’ve been having some trouble finding a job in sex education, though I am still looking. Meanwhile, I thought I’d try to share my knowledge. I hope eventually people will start asking me questions. There are quite a few relationship advice columns out there, but I haven’t seen many deal with explicit issues of sex, sexuality and sexual health and I think many people can benefit from accurate information, especially since the Bush administration seems to consider abstinence-only education to be a useful tool. I think most of the information in those courses is misleading and very much incomplete. The Internet is a powerful thing - the more correct information out there, the better.

In college, you were a member (and president) of Conversio Virium, the Columbia BDSM club. How did you find out about the club?
I actually stumbled over the Conversio Virium table at the Activities Fair my freshman year. I didn’t really know what BDSM was or what the club was about, but was intrigued. Ever since I can remember, my own sexuality always had elements of bondage and DS in it, though I did not put a name to it. It was great finding a group of people who could discuss these things and teach me more.

What made you want to become president of CV? What was the best thing about the experience? The worst?
My presidency was kind of a fluke. The club was suffering low attendance and the interest was barely there to keep it going. I decided to step in, starting with a vice-presidency in my sophomore year. I really wanted to keep the club going, since I had learned a lot and wanted to meet more people of like mind. The best part was probably the annual Activities Fair, since I got to dress up and show off toys. The worst was probably the beauracracy - the endless papers that needed to be filled out for the budget, the fliers that had to be created, the agendas for meetings and so on.

Did you face any problems on campus after becoming the president of CV? Did anyone treat you differently after learning you were a part of a BDSM club?
I never had one problem. In fact, people were very curious when they found out that I was a member or president of CV. Often, there were teachings moments when I could explain what BDSM was, that it was normal and completely consensual - that yes, some things hurt, but that was part of the fun. Eventually, I found out that people who knew me only marginally knew that I was “that S & M club chick.” It was kind of cute.

Name some common misconceptions about people in BDSM.
People who are into BDSM were abused as children and this is an unhealthy way that they continue to work through their issues. You can tell who is into BDSM because they all dress in black leather and chains. BDSM is only about pain and suffering. I think many people were surprised to find out that someone who looked fairly normal, like myself, could be into something they considered to be deviant and disgusting.

And lastly: what, in your opinion, is the most important part of a healthy sex life?
I think the first ingredient in a healthy sex life is self-knowledge - knowing how one’s body works, what it likes, what are one’s limits and how to stick to them. Second, if this is a sex life with a partner(s), communication is a must. Also, trust is a huge part of being able to relax and enjoy one’s sexual life.

Curious about Yuliya?  Learn more over at Ask Yuliya.

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