Monday, April 16, 2007

HOWTO: Be A Bossy Lover


filed under: HOW TO: by Melissa Gira | Leave a Comment

Let’s get super-juvenile and play a game of I Never…, yes? I never… had my phone put in my hand by my lover to call in late to work as their hands… I never… blew off a deadline, a meeting, a project, a career for a blow… I never… used to get turned on by the phrase ‘long lunch’ until… I never… had to worry about losing points with my boss over my sex life because I am freelance, or, I am screwing them.

You, then, have your sex/work time management down to a finely-tuned system, and congratulations, and we look forward to your infomercial (we’ve already got a title: Getting Sex Done). For the rest of us layabouts, however, there’s learning how to be a more effective boss of you, and the fine people you fuck.

Getting into a position. Let it be known to your lover that you could use a bit of discipline when it comes to scheduling, and that doesn’t just mean you want to start sharing Google calendars. There’s a good chance they could use some guidance, as well — or, are aching for the chance to play Strict Taskmaster with more tangible orders to give than just orders for giving really phenomenal head. Get license and permission first, and stake out the terms of your position.

Action Items Vs. Action, Period. There’s no shame in making use of sex as a motivational tool, whether that’s withholding until a milestone, or allowing for controlled “work breaks” to keep momentum up. For the kink-inclined, that might mean turning to the rod to make the pains of procrastination acutely, immediately felt. The first few months of this very blog were composed under threat of a stroke of the cane for each post below the daily benchmark. (No, that did not make it to the Sexerati Flickr pool.)

Take Down a Memo. Turn to the flirtatious letters of artists and lovers past for inspiration in penning those nudging texts and iCal alerts to yourself or partner-in-crime. Even for us working in sex, and other glamorous self-employed pursuits, the pressure of working against a ’supervisor,’ even one of our own selection, is needed to do truly good work. Creatively savor that deeply geeky hot mix of sharing your breathless excitement over a project with your intentions for how to most thoroughly celebrate completion.

Professional Differences. Take to heart that if you find drive and ambition sexy, you are bound to sometimes play second to the prospect of your lover’s success. Some of your choices are: eroticize the way there, plot your path to savor that together, take the opportunity to throw yourself headlong into your own career, or choose a lover with fewer aspirations — or choose a few lovers to enjoy when your’s is busy. You may find sex emerging from your relationships as just another possible point of collaboration.

Just as we manage differing levels of intimacy, intensity, and commitment in our sex lives, so, too, do we have to balance that between our dating and professional lives. Short-term, long-term, or just bearing down hard ’til deadline, business and pleasure both require evaluating when it’s wise to bring out our fiercest, nastiest internal project manager, and when to gratify ourselves with kindness and mm, sweet, sweet reward for a job well done, even if we aren’t quite done getting it done yet.

(And yes, we know this post is a little late today. Ahem.)

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