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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

iminlikewithyou: now with video, and no, not so much anymore

filed under: Web Sex Index, Unpersonals by Melissa Gira | 2 Comments

That? That was the shiver of agreeing with Valleywag for this tip: 2007’s standout flirting-for-nerds site iminlikewithyou, in trying to adopt web video’s hotness, has jumped its own rainbow-striped shark. Where the limited interface and smarts required to seduce well with it once drew out the best in commitment-free wit, the rapid-fire comments users can now leave in exchange for dropping some points are needlessly lowering the bar. Unsolicited suggestion: find some way to integrate a CrazyBlindDate-esque feature, and fast.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Online Dating: Still Pathetic?

filed under: Dating 2.0, Unpersonals by Melissa Gira | Leave a Comment

No, it doesn’t make you pathetic. Please. Even at our worst, Sexerati is just not that judgy.

But seriously, I cannot describe my identity (hint, actually, that can be a hard question) & desire with a series of pulldown menus:

And nor can I find satisfying answers even after a never-ending flood of questions. Scientific sluttery dictates that I will still try, but I will be secretly wishing for a better way.

Is the future of dating really going to be the online equivalent of a sidelong glance on the subway, whether or not it turns into lurv?

Until the day comes that you can fuck a textbox, what do we modern lovers do? (It’s the weekend. Go work it out in the comments.)

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Unpersonals: Breaking Up, The Unpersonals Way

filed under: Web Sex Index, Unpersonals by Lux Nightmare | 3 Comments

I stopped following someone on Twitter when it became clear that his tweets were never going to lead to us having a “chance” meeting.

When things went south with an ex-boyfriend – the first and only person I ever met through Friendster – I removed him as a friend.

And let’s not even talk about the saga of LiveJournal’s relationship to my former relationships.

We’ve spent a lot of time discussing how Unpersonals can facilitate the beginning of a relationship – but what about the other end? How do Unpersonals come in to play as a relationship begins to wind down?

There is, of course, the initial response of changing one’s relationship status from “Taken/In A Relationship/Seeing Someone/Whatever” to “Single” (and by the way, this whole process is part of why I am loathe to list my relationship status on the Internet – it’s so incredibly annoying to change it back and forth, on a million different sites, as my status evolves): but that is, in some ways, too obvious, too easy a discussion.

More interesting, in the world of Unpersonals, is the question of whether or not to sever virtual ties with someone when the real world bond has deteriorated. When you’ve broken up with someone, do you delist them as a Flickr contact? Or do you just demote them, changing their status in your world from friend to contact?

How we manage our virtual social networks in the face of changes in our social lives says a great deal about us, both in terms of how we view our relationships and how we view our chosen Unpersonals.

On a site like MySpace, where random, meaningless friending is rampant (case in point: I am “friends” with MikeSpace, Jada Bloom, and Miz X, none of whom I recognize or actually know), is there really any point to going through the trouble of defriending someone just because you’re no longer fucking? Or does taking that toxic ex out of your Friend Space send the message that, yes, they are now worth less to you than Shitty Band #5?

My personal feelings on question of whether or not to defriend has evolved over time, and varies depending on the relationship (and site) in question. I unfriendstered two exes (both painful break ups) because their presence on my page was an unpleasant reminder of our past relationship; likewise, my LiveJournal has always been off limits to anyone I’ve severed ties with. But other exes – or at least, people I’ve stopped sleeping with – have remained in my world of MySpace, Dodgeball, Flickr, Friendster, or what have you friends. For relationships that simply fade away, the defriending seems unnecessarily harsh: it’s easier to simply let that person stay along for the ride, to passively remain friends as a gesture of good will, a suggestion of some kind of future friendship.

As for my Twitter breakup? I got tired of getting “This is what I’m doing!” texts from someone who wasn’t going to be including me in his plans – the onslaught of text messages constantly setting off my phone felt too invasive, too personal, too close. But even after I deleted him from my Twitter, I still kept him on as one of my Flickr friends: who knows, maybe there’s some hope for us after all.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Unpersonals: My Dating Life is NSFW

filed under: Web Sex Index, Unpersonals by Lux Nightmare | 4 Comments

Unpersonals. You know them. You probably even have an account on one of them, complete with sassy photos, lots of comments, and a multipage friends list. And of course, you’d never, ever use that kind of site to meet someone. Or stalk someone. Right?

Of course right.

I’ve written before about the shitty filtering software we have at (one of my) office(s). What I neglected to mention, in my previous post, is that, in addition to filtering porn, sex education information, and really anything with the sheer mention of the word “sex” in it, my office also blocks MySpace. And Consumating. And any dating and/or personals site.

Yeah, apparently dating (even Unpersonals style dating) is NSFW.

The bored, lovelorn side of me is outraged: clearly, I should be allowed to Consumate all I want at work. Isn’t work about fucking around on the Internet and pretending to look busy?

The more pragmatic, rational side of me sees things differently: I’m at work, I’m getting paid to be, uh, at work. Honestly, I probably shouldn’t be spending the company time trying to get laid.

Which brings us to the real question at hand: what on earth do we really mean by not safe for work?

We all know that NSFW is really just code for tits, cocks, pussy, and fucking: after all, that video of the cat in the hamster wheel would never be labeled NSFW. But what makes watching funny cats a more valid at-work past time than looking at porn? Neither activity’s likely to pop up in your job description (unless, perhaps, you work at Fleshbot or in the adult industry. Or for some funny cat website.).

Can we be more honest and upfront about what mean when we say NSFW? Can we say, “Hey, this has breasts,” or “Warning: Explicit, intelligent discussion of sex and culture.” Can we abolish NSFW, or at least recognize that just about anything mildly interesting you might be doing at your shitty desk job isn’t something you should be doing?

Because, sure, my personal life is NSFW. But that’s because, you know, it’s my personal life, and not my job.